The wacky, insightful, transformational, humorous, yet sometimes dark, energy-driven, inspirational, lightfilled world of Louise Stokes
POEMS
POEMS
Dilemma -
Pictures -
Celestine's Beans -
A VISUALISATION
The Faery Dust Letters
POEMS
by Kimmy Sue Anne
Aks Me -
You See -
Dietary Intake -
Dr Who? -
Inner City Innit -
Innit -
SWITCHING ON THE LIGHT
Introduction
We all follow our own Spiritual paths, whether we know it or not. And whether we accept it or not. And whatever we call it. Some of us choose to view it from a more physical perspective, some look beyond this to dimensions and experiences that we cannot necessarily explain in a world that often prefers to remain within its safety zone of manmade logic and rationality.
We must all live in whatever way feels right for us…as long as it harms no one else.
My own 'right way'…a progression from living in a world very much focussed on the material, the scientific, the provable, the controllable, to a gradual awareness of a world where living in tune and synchronicity with a natural world and Universe provide Harmony and acceptance as the key….came about as the result of a traumatic experience which plunged me into crisis. I have written about this experience elsewhere, and the dwelling on it here would serve no purpose. Besides, that is not what this book is about. This is a book about how Light really does cancel out dark (try it yourself…in the deepest dark of night, simply flick the light switch and see what happens). It is about how we can all follow our Spiritual path if that is what we choose, if that is what feels right for us. And it is about how this happened to me.
Chapter 1: Noticing
I had been absent from the health service for only a short while before changes began to occur. A short while after that, I began noticing the changes. By that I mean occurrences, 'co-incidences' as I still called them then, meetings with people who would guide me, directly or otherwise, onto pathways which would lead to somewhere I had long wanted to go. Initially these mostly involved writing and acting, the career I had chosen to pursue after leaving my nursing career. But then other things began to happen. I would be given a book, or perhaps just come across one in a bookshop, where I would be drawn to read about things that I long since forgotten. A politics and philosophy degree had given me the opportunity back in my twenties to follow this path further, but perhaps I was not ready then. After all, although we are all spiritual beings, we are here for a human experience, and had I not been pushed down a more physical, material route by unseen forces, probably I would have early on in my life retreated from it altogether. A beautiful existence I'm sure…living an ethereal and spiritually fulfilling life away from all the conflict and pain and challenge of the daily lives most people engage in. But not a very rounded wholistic experience. And not an environment in which to learn a great deal about being human. I obviously had some lessons to attend which I had not yet covered…in hindsight I am able to see that. At the time, I was dragged kicking and screaming and crying and despairing through what I saw as the injustices and cruelty of a world in which I did want to live.
It was very gradual at first. An odd conversation here, a thought there, an experience which I couldn't quite explain, but which felt right anyway. This is how it goes, I find. A gentle introduction to a better life. Why not just throw you in, one might ask. If it is such a better life, why not just go for it?
Not so simple. Sometimes it feels safer to live a life which isn't better or brighter, but is nonetheless familiar. A better life after a lifetime of knowing where you are? That can be a frightening proposition. Even if that life becomes unbearable, the Universe knows that we can be like children, terrified at anything new, no matter how appealing, so gently is the best way of introduction. As we get braver, feel safer, the options and offerings build up momentum, come thicker and faster, become more wonderful. That is how it happened with me anyway.
I found myself one minute vaguely considering more etheric matters in a way I had not done since my University days , the next being gently encouraged into further exploration, and a little further down the road, being invited to the whole party in its full glory.
A visit to hear a clairvoyant speak in April 2002 led to me arriving home with a handful of leaflets, just to idly flick through. By this point I had started reading about Angels and how they help us, and the more I read, the more I connected with a concept which I had long held but kept hidden due to my previous working environment (psychiatry and spirituality do not make comfortable bedfellows). So well hidden had I in fact kept it, that it was buried deep within my own subconscious, and it was not until I re-discovered my memories in these books that I actually began remembering again.
Something was still missing, and it was not until 2004 that I was to be reminded of what has been part of me all my life.
Between 2003 and 2006 the momentum picked up speed at a rate that would have been frightening indeed if I had still been that frightened little rabbit who had walked away from our caring profession which no longer cared, in January 1st 2000. New month, New Year, New Millennium.
Those leaflets picked up at the Clairvoyant evening contained within them a leaflet about the National Federation of Spiritual Healing. This caught my interest because I had begun over the last few months to receive what I can only describe as 'signs' and 'messages'. These would come to me in a number of ways…through dreams, or via the pages of a book, or quite often, from billboards. If you have never experienced this, it may sound bizarre or fanciful but I can assure you it was neither. I would have been pondering a question, or worrying about something, or trying to make a decision, and there, when and where I would least expect it, would be an answer, or some guidance. It was a source not only of enormous help, but offered me much amusement in its delivery…the Universe has a wonderful sense of humour. I also would have 'thoughts' that suddenly entered my head, unbidden. Sometimes I would ignore them, more often I would heed the message, even I if did not understand it at the time. Invariably it would lead me somewhere. Indeed it had been this very method of 'giving up indecision to the Universe' that had enabled me to escape from the health service in the first place…although I had neither recognised it as such or would have understood it at the time. I sent many weeks in agonising deliberation and indecision, unwilling to stay, unable to leave, until, one night, exhausted from it all I simply gave up trying. I awoke the next morning with decision to resign and start a new life firmly made fro me during my sleep. I had no job to go to, no self confidence, no self-esteem, no self -worth. But somehow, from somewhere unknown to me at that time, I had been instilled with some form of Trust. I hadn't looked back since.
Two or three weeks prior to finding the leaflet about spiritual healing, I had been walking home after dropping my youngest son off at school. I had been feeling a slight unease, not unpleasant, more an anticipation, a 'waiting' for something for a few days, and as I ambled home in the sunshine, the thought spontaneously arrived and planted itself in my head.
'I know what you're supposed to be doing. You're meant to be a healer'
Ok, I thought, willing to entertain this at least. So I'm meant to be a healer. But how, and what exactly does it mean? I had no idea what a 'healer' was, or how to go about becoming one…or whether one even could 'become' a healer. My only experiences of healing up to this point had been from the tainted and tarnished perspective of a health service that controlled and destroyed under the guise of meting out care rather than offering any true healing.
So I pondered and puzzled over this for a few days until it seated itself in the back of my mind. I wasn't too concerned…I was beginning to learn, beginning to understand, that an answer to my questions, and clarification of this whole healer business would be sent to me when the time was right, one way or another.
It came to me in the form of the leaflet. And being human, I still didn't see its significance. Not immediately. Perhaps I was feeling that this latest push wasn't gentle enough for me. Initially it caught my interest because Robin, my husband had been suffering tinnitus for a couple of years and had found no help in alleviating it…I booked an appointment for him, and went along myself to have a session, just out of interest in anything that wasn't medical or health service controlled.
Of course when I got there, I realised that this was what the whole thing had been about. I was supposed to be a healer. In April 2003 I didn't even know what a healer was. By July I had started my training.
This was enough for me…or so I thought. Two years later and I had completed my training, needing only to go to a final panel to upgrade my 'probationary healer' status to that of 'Full Healer'
Incidents of contact and experiences not explainable in our everyday material world were happening to me regularly by this time, sensing presences, feeling the physical touch of healing during healing sessions, although the healer themselves used only a 'hands off' method, dreams that were more real than waking hours, at times. I once woke to experience the end of a healing session being given to me in my sleep, as some Angelic or other Healing Spirit finished with a foot massage before leaving!!!
I had experiences whilst I healed others too, again, sensing or sometimes seeing presences, seeing colours, visions, 'pictures' or 'scenes', which would often then be related to me by those I had given healing, despite the fact that I spoke nothing of such things.
Life was going well.
I was co-director of a theatre company, I was an actor, a writer, everything I had always dreamed of being. I still retained remnants of the after -effects of the health service cruelty, but I was now able to work on that in a constructive manner. And on all levels, physically, mentally, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.
I was on good form.
But something was still missing.
I was about to find out what it was.
In January 2004 I suddenly began to feel very down. I couldn't explain it. I knew it wasn't depression, because I had worked with sufferers of this crushing illness for many years. It was more a kind of despair. I could hardly get out of bed in the mornings. I went to work, but no longer found any pleasure in the new career I loved and had previously been so besotted with. I cried at anything and everything. I found myself wishing I wasn't in the world at all. I simply couldn't bear to be here. I couldn't see the point. In anything. I had been collecting Angel and Faerie figures for some time, had a vast array…Cherubs, Angels, Faeries of all shapes and sizes, Pixies, Buddhas, goddesses, I loved to have them around the house, much as one has photographs of one's loved ones around the house. One day I simply couldn't bear to have them about the place. It was too painful. I didn't know why. Not then…I found out later. So I collected them all up carefully and placed them into boxes and bags and put them away where I couldn't see them. I felt desolate and bereft, that feeling of pointlessness growing stronger each day.
What was happening to me?
And then, in April 2004 I attended the NFSH A.G.M. It took a great deal of effort to get myself there, I very nearly didn't go at all, but it has long been a self-ingrained philosophy of mine not to let people down. And this had grown even stronger after the phenomenal letting down I had experienced at the hands of all those with whom I had worked in the health service. I had promised the organisers that I would go, so go I must. Of course, I realised afterwards that even had I decided not go, unseen forces would have got me there somehow. Because that was where I needed to be to find out why I had been feeling like I had, and where I needed to move onto next.
It was there that I met more people I needed to meet, who became friends as well as guides and mentors, both Healers and spiritual guides, Richard Keogh and Sue Gessey. As well as regularly attending their healing and energy workshops, I was guided to enhance my NFSH training by undertaking my Reiki training with Sue, a Reiki Master Teacher, herself trained by a Master Teacher from a direct line descending from Usui Shiki Ryoho.
In 2005 I completed my Reiki Degree I, in 2006 my Reiki II and I intend to complete my Masters this year.
Epilogue -
Bread -
Inside Out -
The Wrong Path -
Feeling Better -
Before starting, follow these steps:
1.Choose a time and environment where you can feel comfortable and relaxed; light an incense and/or candles if you find this pleasant, and play some relaxing music
2.Make yourself comfortable and close your eyes
3. Become aware of how relaxed or tense you are feeling. If there are any parts of your body that feel more tense than others, consciously tense them a little more, then relax them
4.Take three gentle breaths in and out. As you concentrate on your breathing, start to feel your body and mind becoming lighter, calmer and more relaxed. Let your present environment slowly fade away so that you find yourself in whichever setting you have chosen from the visualisations.
The Waterfall.
As you drift out of your current environment, you find yourself in a beautiful meadow, on a warm sunny day.
The meadow is full of wonderful flowers and life, butterflies, bees, birds, rabbits, and any other wildlife that appeals to you.
The sky is blue, with the odd fluffy white cloud drifting across it, and there is the faintest breeze which sounds like music as it wanders past you.
Take in your surroundings for a minute or two…the sights, sounds and smells of the meadow, all of which delight you and bring an ever deepening sense of peace and calm.
As you look around you, you notice that there is a pathway through the meadow, leading to a stile on the edge of a magnificent forest. You are drawn to follow this path, and slowly wander your way along to the stile.
The forest is very inviting, so you climb the stile and enter, enjoying as you do so the dappled sunlight filtering through the trees, the smell of pine and bark and other forest smells, and the muted sounds of all that lives and breathes within this magical world of trees.
One of the sounds which catches your attention is the sound of running water, even more musical than the breeze.
You begin to walk in the direction from which the sound is coming, and pass through the serenity of the trees, cross a little wooden bridge, and suddenly come upon a clearing where you find the most glorious waterfall you could ever imagine. It cascades down from above the tree tops into a mystical looking pool which catches the streaming fountain sprays in its crystal clear waters.
As you near the pool and gaze into it you can see all manner of beauty, whatever is beautiful to your eyes….there may exotic fish and water plants, crystals, reflections, or even a mermaid or two!
There is a large flat rock at the side of the pool and you decide to sit there awhile to drink in all these wonderful sights and sounds, along with the warm bright Sunlight. Just doing so brings you a sense of peace, relaxation, and deep, deep healing, on all levels of your being, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
Sit here a while and savour the healing and the peace, knowing that you can bring these feelings back with you when you return to your physical relaxation spot.
Once you have sat long enough to receive the full benefits of this very special place, you are ready to return to the physical world.
As you start to rise, you notice a gift has been left for you in the pool, just within your reach. It might be an item of nature, or a word, or simply a vision, which has some meaning for you, but it is a special gift for you to retain the memory of when you feel the need to be calm, relaxed, at peace, or healed in your everyday life.
You thank the Elements of Nature for showing and sharing with you their beauty and say goodbye…for now….as you know you can return here whenever you wish, as often as you wish, and stay for as long as you desire. For now though, ready to return to your everyday activities, you make your way back across the clearing, over the little wooden bridge, through the dappled Sunlit forest, until you come to the stile.
You climb back over the stile and make your way back along the meadow path until you reach the spot where you originally found yourself . Y
ou sit down, feeling a greater sense of calm than you can ever remember having felt, take a last look…for now….at the lovely surroundings in which you have found yourself, and close your eyes.
Take three gentle breaths in and out, and as you focus on your breathing, gently breathe yourself back into the physical space from which you set out on this journey.
Take your time, feeling your body gradually becoming more solid on your chair, or couch or bed, you feet feeling well connected with the earth.
Wiggle your fingers and toes, have a stretch, a yawn, shake your hands and feet, and when you’re ready….open your eyes.
The Faerie Dust Letters, Sunday 5th
Dear Mother,
Hope you and Dad are both well. I'm away for a week at a conference - I think I told you the other night? The food at the hotel is awful but the rooms are warm; and at least I'm not having to share with another female colleague like I did at the last one. Anyway, that's not why I'm writing, as I'm sure you've guessed. Although it is about the other night. I just wanted to apologise, really, say I'm sorry that the evening didn't go as planned, it being my Birthday and everything. I'm sorry that we ended up falling out, and I'd like things to be O.K. between us again.
There are a couple of things I do need to clear up though, things we didn't get the chance to shout (sorry, talk) about properly the other night. First, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the name you gave me, I've never disliked it or wished I was called something different; it's just that now, at this point in my life, I've decided that I want to be called Lilac Rainbow. Stephen doesn't have a problem with it, and it won't affect the kids, because I'll always just be 'Mum' to them, but if it really is too uncomfortable for you, then you can just carry on calling me Sally - it's just that I'll be known as Lilac Rainbow to everyone else.
The other thing is the stuff that started the whole argument in the first place. I really do feel quite annoyed at Tony Blair, that, not content with making a complete mess, not to say deception of his last 13 years in office (yes I know it's only been nine, but it seems longer), he then managed to cause a rift between you and me. I know that you're not used to having those kind of conversations, and I suppose we really should have stuck to that principle of Granny's about never discussing sex, religion, politics or personal finances, with close family members. I think opening that fourth bottle of wine must have lowered our guard on that one.
There are one or two other things that I feel I must write to you whilst I've got the opportunity;
I am missing home, and Stephen and the kids, of course I am but letter writing doesn't seem to fit into the routine of life back home - a lot of things don't fit in with the routine of life back home come to think of it. Here in this hotel room at the end of each day, though, it's either watch T.V, read my conference notes, drink in the bar with people completely off my wavelength, or do something interesting. Which is why I'm writing to you. Anyway, I've gone off the point. What I was going to say next is - and please don't stop reading, just hear what I have to say -that whether it makes you feel uneasy or not, I DO believe in Faeries (that's how you spell it the proper way, by the way). And I do love them - of course I do. And I'm really sorry if that offends you, annoys you, irritates you, or makes you feel uncomfortable, but the fact is, I do. And do you know why? Because they exist, really they do. Oh Mum, stop right there! I can almost see the expression on your face, and hear the comments you're making, in your head, or to Dad maybe, or even to the cat. (and the fact that I'm currently developing my psychic abilities - yes I have forgiven you for laughing about that the other night - has nothing to do with my assumptions. As you well know, I'm an experienced observer of human nature. Well, I would be, being of the human variety myself; although sometimes the things you say about me make me wonder about that one). Anyway, back to The Point. Yes, I know that digressing is one of my "Biggest Failings". - see I DO listen to the constructive criticisms you throw my way. If digressing can be classed as a failing. And, of course if you buy into the whole idea that we can fail at anything anyway. Which does, in a round-about sort of way, bring me back to The point. About the Faeries. I know you feel a bit disappointed in me, the way I look, how I dress, where I live, the sort of life I lead, the kind of things I'm into. And you're probably right to be. But I'm not totally unlike you am I? O.K, so I admit, I do look a bit like a New Age Hippy, I suppose, and I know you always hoped I'd "grow out" of being vegan, loving my plants like they are people and going on all those animal rights demos. But, as you know all too well, I also drink too much alcohol (although I never touch spirits - well I never DRINK them - these days), I swear far more than is appropriate or healthy for a woman, I take dislikes to people on a whim, and I shout at the children. And sometimes for no other reason than that I'm in a bad mood. Yes, I DO know that I have bad moods (remember youasked me if I was aware of that the other night). And I do know that I get raging P.M.T. (Actually I think P.M.S is the politically correct abbreviation at the moment). So, we do have some Mother/daughter traits in common don't we? And those don't become obsolete or diluted just because I happen to have a very real and strong connection with the Faeries. So now I'm thinking that you've decided, and told Dad (probably; but maybe I am making an uncalled for assumption or even a judgement here) that if I am not completely crazy, I am, at the very least, even more weird and eccentric than you used to think I was as a child.Well, perhaps I am. Oh, I should mention here I suppose - because I forgot to the other night - that I also believe in Angels and being able to use positive thoughts to make the world abetter place. Perhaps I am completely mad and you and Dad are right; perhaps I do live in a world of illusion, deluded about things that are not really real. But - and this is entirely up to you, because I know it was a big part of what caused us to row the other night - can I ask you just to ask yourself a couple of questions again? And Dad too, if you think he can pull himself away from the football for long enough. And the golf. And the cricket. And the racing. Are you sure that the world YOU are living in is really real? And if it is, does it make you feel full of hope and joy? Because that's the important thing at the end of the day, surely? Is it, in fact, a rational action to persist in watching half an hour or more of doom and gloom,prescriptive advice of what you ought to be doing, and warnings of impending disasters, night after night, just before going off to bed? And can you be sure it's all true? After all, as we disagreed about the other night, what possible ulterior motive could the government possibly have for engineering mass hysteria and panic about terrorist theories? The government, surely, works only on the Ray of love and for The Good of All The people. And that Ray of Love, well that must be the same ray that the pharmaceutical companies are working on when they flood the media with fears of all the things we can die from, only then to offer us - at a price - The Cure to all those ailments.
I know, and I hope try to respect, that you and Dad believe that The News Must Be True. Does that make you feel comfortable? I can understand that it would make you feel more comfortable than the thought that the news may not all be true. Or worse, that none of it is Perhaps it is simply there to frighten us? But yes, you're right; I don't really know exactly what it's there to frighten us into. But honestly, Mum, if you would just allow yourself to believe in other possibilities for a moment, you may find that you don't have to live a life ruled by fear at all.
That's where the Faeries come in. And the Angels of course. You can't have Faeries without Angels. Or vice versa - that's just plain obvious.. Anyway. There ARE Faeries and Angels to help us, you know, in every aspect of our lives.
And as an added bonus, they don't fear anything, not because they are fearless, but because there is less to fear than we might think.
Please, just think about it. Sorry, I know I've gone off on one again, when I'm actually writing to try and make up. Must be the boredom of this conference making my mind run way with me. It upset Stephen and me when you stormed out like that the other night, but can't we just say "No harm done" and forget about it? The children were in bed, and I accept full blame for causing the argument. Perhaps we should make that agreement of Granny's not to talk about these things in future. I just wanted to try and explain to you in the calmness of a letter, what
and who I am in my life right now.
Anyway, give me a ring after the weekend if you like, I should be back by then.
Love to Dad and Sooty; try and catch Emmerdale on Wednesday, Anita who was at school with me is and extra in it!
Lots of love
Lilac Rainbow (Sally)
Dear Stephen,
I've written to Mum, as you suggested - after all, I've had enough time this week. I never would have imagined that a conference about dealing with "Bullying in the Workplace" could be so totally lacking in content about how to deal with bullying in the workplace. I think I may just give up my job altogether when I get back. You know how you're always saying I'm not entirely suited to a career in the health service? I'm beginning to think you may be right, so I might try and get a job in one of the caring professions instead. As you know, I've always had this strong belief, call it an intuition, ever since I was very young, that healing people was to be part of my purpose in life….after I'd decided that I didn't really want to become a princess, a show jumper, or a pop singer. Which you probably didn't know, because I don't think I've ever told you about that before. And you also won't know, because I never told you this either, that I did of course harbour a longer-held desire to be an actress. I'm sure that won't surprise you, though, you're always telling me that I'm over-dramatic about everything, and that I don't live in the real world…so I have the key qualities really, don't I? But then, of course I was told by Mrs Stanton that 'nice girls don't become actresses.' And I so wanted to be a nice girl, didn't I? A nice girl who brought some good to the world. Which is why I thought that working in the health service was a good idea, although I did enrol in a night school drama course for a brief while, guiltily attending whilst constantly keeping a lookout for anyone who might report my misdemeanour back to Mrs Stanton, even though I was no longer at school. Well anyone can make a mistake can't they…perhaps I need to search elsewhere for an outlet which will allow me to try and heal the world and the people who make it such a sad place on account of their own despair. Anyway, I'm doing that digression thing again that my Mother's always telling me - and you - about. So, like I say, I 've done what you asked and written to her, and, since I'm away for the rest of the week, I want to ask you to do something for me in return. I do appreciate how you took my side during that argument with Mum, especially since you don't really believe in any of my "stuff" as you call it. But it does bother me - no, actually, it doesn't, it saddens me, it really makes me feel so incredibly sad that you don't seem to want to let in some of the fantastic and magical things that are such a big part of my life now. So please, try this for me - well for you, really - while I'm away, and we can talk about what happens - or doesn't - when I get back.
Right, here goes… Invite a Faerie, or an Angel, (or why not both?) into your life, our home, or even your workplace. Or, if you don't feel self-conscious about your body - and there's really no reason why you should - into your bath. (Not that they care, anyway; Pure Light, you see, doesn't view the physical in quite the same way we do). Ask for their help. Ask for their company. Ask for anything you want as long as it is not intended to harm anyone. Ask for that perfect job, house, partner, whatever. (Actually, ignore the partner bit, I got that last sentence out of one of my books).You deserve it, don't you? Of course you do. Don't believe everything you are told by the "Not - so - high - and -mighty about how to live a fearful, joyless life. Have a laugh. Go on, try it - we haven't had one of those for quite a while, have we? Laugh at the ridiculous nature of the news. Why can't we have good news once in a while? How much better would we feel if Dermot Murnaghan came on our screens tonight and announced that there had not been an earthquake in Outer Mongolia, that Mrs Price of 92 Cherry Orchard road did not get broken into today, but a young person did collect her pension for her and do her shopping, and that throughout the Black Country, various individuals smiled at each other on their way to work as their bit towards world peace?But that would take us out of our comfort zone, perhaps. Well, I for one, would rather live with my Faeries, Stephen, aware of the world but not afraid of it, compassionate about the difficulties within it, but not being pressured into denying myself joy. Faeries or Fear? We must all make our own choices - I suppose. Please, just try it - for us.
Love and Light ,Lilac Rainbow
P.S. When I get home, perhaps we can have a chat about some discoveries I've made about the merits of Gnomes, including their innate loyal and protective nature.
P.P.S Give my love to the boys. Postcards are in the post to them .Oh, and don't let Tom take his mobile to school. And Jimmy will put far too much gel in his hair if you don't watch him, and then you'll get a letter home from school. Louis needs supervision EVERY time he brushes his teeth, and Zak is NOT allowed to take in his P.S.P games to "swap them in the playground " with Ben and Vikram, so don't let him tell you otherwise.
Missing you, Love and Kisses to everyone, make sure they're all in bed before 9.00. See you Saturday, all being well.
DILEMMA
I live with this Dilemma
Which grows every single day
A kind of sad ambivalence
One could almost say
You say I’m not the person
Not the one I used to be
Not the one you fell in love with
When you fell in love with me
And yet who I am now
Is the survivor from that past
Not the one you fell in love
I’m afraid she didn’t last
Sometimes I try to be her
But I can’t remember how
And I wish you could just love me
For the person I am now
PICTURES (SIX YEARS OLD)
Sam bought his first camera
With his own saved up money
When he was six years old
Sam had a film in his camera
With twenty four pictures to take
And being six years old
He quickly found twenty four
Interesting Things
And finished his film
“I need a new film”
Said Sam
“There are some Really Good Things
That I want to take pictures of”
“Maybe”, I said
You could go into the garden
“And see if you can get
A photo of a Fairy”
Sam smiled up at me
“I can’t” he said
I felt a slight disappointment
At the speed with which
Today’s children grow up
A sudden sadness that the sophistication
Of the modern Child
Means the loss of belief in
Things That Are Magic
“Why not?” I asked
“Because I haven’t got a film”
He replied
Suddenly the memories
Came flooding back
Of how wonderful it is
To be six years old13th 1999
CELESTINE’S BEANS
My name is Celestine Audrey Crump
And I love beans on toast
Jam and toast is pleasant enough
But it’s bens on toast
That I love the most
My mother used to say to me
“Celestine Audrey Crump
You can’t just have beans on toast
For tea
You need something more substantial,
You see
So what can I get you?
You tell me”
I used to reply, in a cheerful voice
The same reply, every time
“I want beans on toast for my tea
I don’t want chicken and I don’t want cheese
Don’t give me chips or spaghetti or rice
Cos none of them ever taste as nice
As beans on toast
Lovely beans on toast
Beans on toast are quite simply
You see
The only thing that I want for tea
Cos beans on toast are what I love most”
As I grew up I’d often find
That people could be quite unkind
They’d invite me to their house for tea
And I’d just want beans on toast,
You see
They’d offer me curry, they’d offer me wine
So I’d have to inform them, time after time
It’s no good putting all that on a plate
Well, I won’t eat it at any rate
Cos all I want is beans on toast
It’s my favourite meal
It’s what I eat most
Lovely, lovely, beans on toast
I met a boy and he liked me
He used to make me beans for tea
We got engaged, had our wedding day
It was wonderful, I have to say
We decided against a wedding cake
Who wants cake, for Heaven’s sake?
Instead we hired a huge great pot
And served up beans, all piping hot
We made slice of toast the day before
I think, two hundred and forty four
We gave our guests lovely beans on toast
Because we were such perfect hosts
Ten years on, we still love the most
Our lovely, lovely, beans on toast
So if you come to visit me
I’ll give you beans on toast for tea
Unless you ask for jam, or spam
Cos the dog and cat like them
AKS ME
I was watching a programme
Bout Astrophysics
I think it was interesting
It was bout science and religion
And power and politics
And things
Galileo…he was innit, innit
I thought he played with Queen
But apparently he lived long time ago
’Fore T.V, even, know what I mean?
It brought up lots of questions
That I really wanted to aks
But I couldn’t think of any
Perhaps there were too many
But I enjoyed it anyway
Cos I learned a new one of me words
It’s fine and wicked and phat and sick…
It’s BioNuclearConspiracyAstrophysic
YOU SEE
What’s all the fuss bout food then? You is hungry, you does eat somat, innit? Why is you only supposed to eat stuff wot don’t taste nice, cos if it does then it must be rubbish…who thought that one up then, ya get me?
DIETARY INTAKE
I do not like salad, me,
I don’t see why I should
I did try to eat it once
An’ it d’int do me no good
It never made thinner, innit
Or fitter or faster or pretty
It didn’t give me energy
It made me feel well shitty
I was hungry ‘fore I ate it,
I was hungry after ‘n all
It did not taste of nutting
It did nutting for me at all
So I’m going back on me chips
An’ me crisps an’ me chocolate bars
No more leaf and stuff for me
Just Pot Noodles, Red Bull and Mars
Now I loves me T.V, but some programmes I can never miss…one of them is
DR WHO?
Sat’day is me favourite day
Sat’day night’s me favourite too
An’ that’s because, me bredren
I’m in love with Dr Who
I turns me T.V on at six
An’ sticks to it like glue
Waiting for the appearance
Of me beloved Dr Who
I know that he would feel the same
If he knew me like others do
Kimmy Sue Anne, his own true chav
Ooh I loves ya Dr Who
But if he don’t find me very soon
It’s gonna be too late
An’ if he does find some one else
Then I’ll be out to exterminate
In fact, now that I’ve had time to think
What if he picks his nose, or stinks of garlic
I’ve changed me mind, I’m moving on
That’s right...I’m in love with a dalek
INNIT
Innit is it innit that
The conversation of the young
When dey does chew de fat
Innit is it innit that
The adolescent words of choice
To hang and have some chat
Innit is it innit that
Whatever, I aint bovvered, man
Cos nutting ever never riles dem
An’ sick is fine and good is fat
Innit is it innit that
A whole new language in our midst
Know wha’ I mean , ya get me chap?
So is it innit is it so
That innit is it innit that
Dote make no sense, tho’ does it tho’?
Innit?
EPILOGUE
Once, long ago now, it seems
I felt a pain too terrible to bear
I didn’t laugh, I didn’t smile
I just saw misery everywhere
Now misery is a habit
An addiction, like a drug
And once you buy into its game
You stay well and truly stuck
Except if you are lucky
And you climb out of the well
Of deep despair and sadness
That is an everlasting hell
BREAD
Have you ever wondered what it must be like to be a loaf of bread? It’s not something I contemplate a lot, you understand, but every so often, when my mind isn’t preoccupied with the endless worries of which colour knickers to wear today, or whether to shave my armpits this evening or tomorrow morning, and why it all grows back so quickly anyway - it does cross my mind. And I think that that makes me actually a deeply philosophical person. Actually. Because it’s not just a case of imagining yourself to be a loaf of bread or not, and then leave it at that, is it?
I mean, years ago, it may have been, cos originally, bread was just thrown together, wasn’t it? Flour, water, a bit of pounding, cook it through, and there you have it.
But then of course, SLICED bread was invented….and in plastic bags too. And even that was a very long time ago. Oh, we’ve come a long way since then, haven’t we? I mean, quite part from the subject of toast, which deserves to be addressed in its own right, on another occasion, if one was giving some genuine thought about being a loaf of bread, well, what type of loaf exactly would one choose to be? The options are endless, aren’t they? Quite apart from the sliced and uncut range…..thin sliced, medium sliced, thick sliced, ready sliced, or uncut and sliced to order, I mean where does it all end? Because now, we have granary, multigrain, wholemeal, rye, bloomers (there’s my knicker dilemma again) and so many variations, to suit every dietary need, that if one were to start investigating them all, then wondering what it must be like to be a loaf of bread would send you completely crackers, trying to decide which type you might be.
Crackers? Now there’s a thought…..have you ever wondered what it must be like to be a cracker?
INSIDE OUT
Long ago, I was someone
And now I’m someone new
A re-invention of myself
The old me, out of view
Sometimes I think the someone
Who used to be that me
Is no longer in existence
Has simply ceased to be
But then I’ll have a memory
A flash of something past
A smile, a phrase, a feeling
That passes by too fast
So I believe that person
I grew up knowing well
Has just gone into hiding
To escape a personal hell
And when the time is right again
If that should ever be
The someone I grew up with
Will start looking back at me
THE WRONG PATH
You tell me I’m a Lost Soul
In this world
I don’t know that I’m
Lost
More disorientated
I battled my way
Through childhood
And expected to arrive
In the adult world
With some sense of
Understanding
When I got here however
My confusion increased
I can’t understand
Much of what happens
In this world
And much of what I do
Distresses me
I spend most of my life
Feeling that somewhere
Along the way
I took the wrong turning
And that if I could just
Find my way back
Everything would become
Clearer
Not lost exactly then
Just looking for
My way Home
FEELING BETTER
If hadn’t been There
Then I wouldn’t be Here
And if I wasn’t Here
Then Where would I be?
The wacky, insightful, transformational, humorous, yet sometimes dark, energy-driven, inspirational, light-filled world of Louise Stokes
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